is this goodbye?

D told me that if i had to choose one day, no matter what the choice was or would be, i should never ever regret that choice. look forward and never look back, lest you miss the old days and feel a tinge of regret. well, that was the gist of what he said.

C weighed my options and the choice was bright as day or black as night, whichever you prefer.

my pa and ma come next. so now, my options are limited, no thanks to my MYE results.

A team of one

I am a member of the team
I rely on the team
i defer and sacrifice for it;

because the team, not the individual,
IS THE ULTIMATE CHAMPION.

when i first saw this, i was inspired to contribute in every way i could. after all, everyone has their own ideals. but ideals are but ideals.

is everything changing, or is it just me? the people look the same, but i can barely recognise them. a team of one? i don't know mann. i really don't know.

it seems to me that in the pass few weeks, i've said the most number of "i don't knows" in prolly my whole seventeen years of life.

yes. i am lost. and i'm man enough to admit, contrary to the stereotype that blatantly accuses men of not admitting that they are lost when they obviously can't find their way from A to B.

like D said, it's gonna be hard.

for starters, there's MK. for those you who don't know him, well, he's our coach. and he's prolly the best you'll find in school like pj. no one can talk the talk and walk the walk like he can. i mean like, who the heck's ever heard of a coach bringing his boys out for a team run at like 6 in the morning?! other coaches will be like, "okay. go do your 5km run and come back." and while you're at it, he'd be sipping a nice cold Carlsberg or Tiger or whatever that makes him happy.
and MK is anything but that.

the next thing bout him is that he really thinks about the team. cos he used the prize money he got for winning some award to buy jerseys, not one, but two for each member of the police cup squad. like wow. he could have kept that and bought himself a few dozen pairs of canterbury shorts that he loves oh so much or perhaps buy a new pair of shoes, etc. the possibilities are endless. but he spent it on the team instead.

well, the last thing bout him is that he's got a whole truckload of faith in us. every single one of us. from the really good players to the basket cases. i really don't know where he got it from but i'd say it's amazing. like when i first joined, he took me in even though i had a dislocated shoulder. and even when i couldn't play well cos of it, he was still pretty much okay with it, always saying, "when you recover, you're gonna have to do better that yeah? you've got to crash low and hit 'em hard." or "just go low and try to take em out. try to get comfortable with your left side." he was so dead serious that you could see it in his eyes. he kept reminding me about the possibility that i might achieve great things when i recovered and all.

but due to unforseen circumstances, i doubt i'll be able to do it.

and like D said, he's the only thing that can stop us. or at least, me. and it's gonna be really hard to tell him and all. i'm gonna get that shitty sinking feeling.

perhaps i'm just too emotional about it.
like i said earlier, i don't know. i really don't know.


when we are judged on the Day,
God will ask, "where are your wounds?"
and we who accomplished nothing would reply,
"Lord, we have none."
then He said,
"wasn't there anything worth fighting for?"