of chronic depression and aimlessness.

i scribbled in the sand
the words, they stayed for awhile
but the wind kicked in
and they faded in the end.

i pick up a stick and try again
making an effort to drive the message through the sand
even the smallest grain, pushed aside
between every particle, a clear divide.

the wind is strong
an enemy that is hardly weak
as compared to the stick in my hand
the latter is oh so meek.

the little grains fall again
like soldiers into a trench
all that is left
are dots and dashes.

a different morse
jumbled up dots and dashes
no one left to comprehend
a message no one can understand.

i try to leave my mark once more
but today, the wind is strong
perhaps i've run out of luck
and it's nights like these that are oh so long.


note to reader; just pray for you and me. the days are long and hard, but hey, the Lord provides. Shalom my friend, till we meet again.

of sinking ships and second thoughts.

is it really over?
or do i just lack the faith?

the faith to do what is least expected of me,
the faith to hold true to the ship i've been bound to.

is the ship really sinking?
still, the captain keeps his silence.

his words are few
but his actions give the game away.

"you are the captain of your own ship and the master of your own destiny", that i am told.
but from the view of a ship within a sinking ship, i'd say life is bleak.

have the winds of fortune changed their course,
or have other ships gone ahead?

to these i have no answer,
for only father time can tell.

it's a pain,
the wait.

waiting to know what comes next,
what to do next.

oh please,
just this one last time,
and i'll look back and say,
"wow, it was spectacular".

tell me what to do,
tell me what to say.

and this time,
i'll do it Your way.

courage is all i need.
faith is what needs to be awakened.
the passion is missing, that i swear.
and most importantly, diligence is what i lack.


rules for happiness;
something to do,
someone to love,
and something to hope for.

of last buses and tired people.

our class outing went pretty well i guess, 'cept for the fact that we almost couldn't get out of the East. it was so bad that some of us were contemplating staying over at East Coast. like holy cow. staying over. haha. hokayyy.

somehow, i emphasise, somehow we managed to take the last 197 back to jurong, all the way from Bedok. we missed the last train home. nice one. we missed the last 66 home. great job. but even still, we had a 197 waiting to leave at 2345. now, how's that for luck?

okay, maybe we weren't all that lucky, considering the fact that we had to walk a good jesus-knows-how-many km before getting to a bus stop that had bus no. 14. but hey, at least it was fun.

well, kinda.

and monopoly at KAP mac's is funny shit. especially when everyone around you is mugging for a's and o's. and i officially suck at LAN. i guess i'll have to play more to avoid being owned by my juniors. heh.

heading to school in awhile for cheenese, training and OP. argh. save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

NB real run.

the heck. it was well, an NB waste of time.
the beginning was messed up cos the starting was like one helluva walkathon. like wtf? they sound the damn horn and everyone starts walking. cheeseballs.

and then during the run, i saw some road marshall, who obviously wasn't from sji, hiding behind a road divider playing her psp. like, cheesy cheeseballs mann.

and kids ought to be taught to count properly. take the following conversation as an example;
me: hey, excuse me, how much more do i have left(repeat 3 times; once for each marshall.).
marshall A: 5km
marshall B(further down the route): 6km. go go go!
marshall C: 5km more! don't give up.

like wow. that's freaking backside la. 565. sheesh. i totally gave up asking after marshall C. kids these days can't count, can they?

another thing that i felt was damn backside was that there were people who didn't even run the run and still had the balls to collect their goodie bags and all. worst part of it all was that these people left changi completely dry, without breaking a single drop of sweat(pespiration caused by the sun is not taken into consideration), proudly changing into and wearing a red tee that is so red that it screams; i took part in the race dammit! look at me!

like whatt. $30 just to do that. cheap(come to think of it, thirty is quite a fair bit of money!) thrill, don't you think.

argh. and the list goes on.

cheense, math, OP, GP. let's go!
red bull is my best friend again for now. hope it works. tastes bloody sweet though.

here's a toast to a brighter tomorrow. cheers.

another night, another dream wasted.

tomorrow's the freaking new balance real run. 10 km.
and there's lot of homework. cheenese homework. like thanks a lot mann.

finally found the song by breaking benjamin that i heard on jon chen's phone a long time ago. the title's diary of jane. it's pretty loud song with nice chorus.

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

anyway, i'm finally going to meet my cj pae classmates! woohoo! i really wonder if everyone's doing okay. guess i'll have to wait till tomorrow to find out.

and ek neng just introduced to me to mayday parade. another new band to look out for i guess? go check out their song called three cheers for five years. it's pretty nice.

SCC sevens coming up.
and the m1 tens too.
and i must say we are in deep shit.

God bless.

pai seh i love you.

P.S. I Love You seems to be a bit of a letdown at the moment, with the sequence of events being painfully predictable and dull. like hokay. and to think erin told me not to cry when i just borrowed it from justin. right. but i might be in for a rude shock so i shan't say too much now, lest i get owned by it later.

i so have to finish up my pw. our first OP rehearsal wasn't so bad after all. it was kinda like the usual, the 3 musketeer combo thingy. but i think i messed up a lil. and a certain someone was late again. like the heck mann. even when we told him to come at 7am. he freaking came at 9.45am?! nice one.

today was a generally nice day cos i saw someone whom i really didn't expect to see in school and all. like hokayy. and jon was reminding me about the policy. tsk tsk. right.

missed 2 chances to say hi. thought i could get lucky on the 3rd time. lucky i was alright, cos someone was sitting at the 985 bus stop, like alone and all. wanted to go over and say hi but isaac and that dhilip had to spoil everything. argh. jackasses

and i was sad for the rest of the day.

and the sky was sad for me too. didn't you see? it rained 3 times; like on-and-off showers and all. haha. yeahh.

3 times. now, that's magic.

oh well. let's hope things'll get better along the way.

so many plans for the future, all getting ruined one by one, day by day, little by little. injuries, that's all i'll say. go figure. i hope everything goes well.

on a random note, the rugby shirts are awesome!

please God, make everything okay.
especially the one that starts with the letter P.

back to the usual.

promos are over. and i've got quite a few things to do. these are roughly the things i want/need to do, in no order of merit or importance.

1) prepare for the new balance real run.

2) design the PIONEERUGBY tapestry design competition thingy by thursday. (i'll prolly end up being lazy and follow hassan's idea of reusing the pioneerugby poster i drew a few months ago.)

3) decide on what job to pick for the work shadowing programme. (PHYSIOTHERAPIST PLEASE! JUST PICK ME ME ME ME! HAHA!)

4) read P.S. I love you. haha. i've been waiting quite awhile for this one.

5) update the noticeboard.

6) update relay system.

7) settle my wr. i'm pleasantly suprised with how things are turning out so far. not so doomed anymore i suppose.

anyway, i just did some funny friendster quiz called "are you in love?". haha. like hokayy. the results said i was at peace and that i'm a really strong person and all. seriously, i really beg to differ on this one mann. i'll prefer to think that i'm a mess when it comes to stuff like that.

and rugby with fuchun primary was okay i guess. just that we outnumbered them by like, um, a lot? haha. i blame the FYEs mann. hope the lil' kids will turn up for training once their exams are over! last sat's training was quite interesting, with mr kwok making us "stars" for his instructional videos and all. haha. it was pretty fun cept for my white shorts getting all black and muddy. oh well, i'm so going to use the hose in pj to wash away everything. whoosh whooosh! haha. oh man, i so need help. as in professional help.


it's like chasing the wind
seemingly impossible.
well, it'd give life a real spin
but at the end of the day
i know i'll never win.