my fear of sayin' goodbye.

i don't know.
do other people feel it too?

it's this sinking feeling when you wave goodbye to someone. like when you wave, it seems to drain a portion of your soul away. like a feeling of regret or something of that sort.
it makes you feel that you should have done more with the person. makes you feel lonely.
to put it simply, it is not a nice feeling to have.

it's this feeling that makes me suck at saying goodbye to people.

make it go away.

choices.

i am 18 this year.

life has taught me a lot, or rather, force fed me quite a fair bit of lessons.
and one of the things that life taught me is that there is no such thing as not having a choice.
yes, it's true that one's choice can be restricted. but it is impossible to say that one has entirely no choice at all.

choices; they are inevitable. we make them everyday; good ones, bad ones.
as aforementioned, they are inevitable. rarely a day goes by without one making choices. to live a day without making choices is as impossible as chasing the wind. making choices, despite being an activity that we do so often, is something that is, in my opinion, difficult to master.
decision making is an art. good decision making is art, in its highest form. as far as i am concerned, i have made very few good choices and decisions. often, i feel i am bound by fear, faith, duty and my own emotions. these hamper my decisions and my choices and naturally, bad consequences follow soon after. the question then is, "how do we make good choices?".

but before answering the aforementioned question, we must first ask ourselves, "what are good choices and what are bad choices?". is the former merely referring to choices that bring benefit to oneself? or do they refer to choices that bring benefit to others? what then, about bad choices? do they simply mean choices that result bad consequences? i cannot answer these questions, and hence, my dilemma.

i believe that when a person is born into the world, he begins to shoulder responsibilities, both his own and the responsibilities that he shares with others. it is often said that responsibility restricts choice. this, unfortunately is true to a certain extent. because you have to be responsible to others or to a cause, you can only choose choices that are deemed to be "responsible". choices that are deemed otherwise are thrown out the door, simply because there is usually no room for discussion between the individual and parties that the individual is responsible to.

but who is to say that you cannot choose those choices that were thrown out the door?
you can choose these choices. but you must bear the consequences.
as long as you are able to bear the consequences, then you can choose that choice.
you can stand up to oppression. but you must be prepared to face the consequences.
you can fight for what you want. but you must be able to face reality should you fail to get what you want.

so i suppose, choices must be made with courage. because without courage, we fail to choose wisely.

it's all about choice these days.
so go on, make the best of each day.
choose wisely and be prepared for the consequences.
be strong and believe.

humour.

mad tv's bobby lee is really funny.
asian stereotypes at their best. haha.

someday, i will return to the beginning.

i think we tend to forget things very often.

we tend to take things for granted.

mann, sometimes i wish i could just turn back the clock.

the end is nigh.

was listening to il divo's "duet" with celine dion today.
mann, it was beautiful.

envision in your hearts,
the road to tomorrow.
and on this road,
we fight.

nice songs.

angels on the moon by thriving ivory.
until the end by breaking benjamin.

remember those who have gone to their rest.

they count as quite forgot.
they are as men who have existed not.
their's is a loss past loss of fitful breath.
it is the second death.

-thomas hardy.

and the fight continues.

fight on, my brothers.
it is nearly finished.
see you on the other side.

lessons from life.

when a baby is born into this world, his natural instincts tell him to clench his fists, as if to say, "the world is mine, it belongs to me."

however, when that same baby, who is now a dying man, leaves the earth, he does so with his hands outstretched and open.

he has learnt his lesson. he now knows he cannot take anything with him and hence, lets go of all everything he once had.

-kinda adapted from mitch albom's new book, Have a Little Faith. it was an interesting read. i was just thinking about the book's main chracters, The Reb(Rabbi Albert) and Pastor Henry, and how they led lives that were holy. lives that were full of commitment. full of God's grace. lives that were made whole by helping others. i don't know what to do next. but i just know that i want to help. and that i need His help.

song of the day.

staind : so far away.
kinda sums up what i would say about my life.

don't look back.

heads up.
match is over only when the whistle goes.

this is it.

one shot, one kill.

the invisible enemy.

he's there. you know it.
you loathe his existence and curse upon hearing his name.
you mutter under your breath that you know he's close by,
but in your head you don't know what to do next.

he's near.
yes.
very near indeed.
but you don't know how near.

until he's right next to you.

stay frosty.
be prepared for his arrival.

nostalgia

today was good.

listening to creed's One Last Breath.