things you didn't know about me.

most people think i'm just a loudmouth and a very noisy person.
well, at least that's what i gathered from the feedback i'm getting.
but truth be told, i like the quiet and the serenity it brings.
if there was ever a way, i would just my mouth shut and just enjoy the silence.

the silence is my friend, as well as my enemy.
it is my friend because i enjoy its company and it lets me know what i have done wrong.
it is my enemy because when it is upon me, i am thinking.
thoughts, both good and bad, seep into my consciousness.

mostly, in the silence, it is the bad thoughts that get to me.
like the thief creeping in the night,
in the silence, these evil thoughts make their way into the inferno of my mind.
slowly, but surely, i am poisoned.

that is why i hate the silence.
i make endless chatter and engage in meaningless banter.
i try to keep these thoughts at bay and make attempts to get them out of my head.
i will continue talking, because i am afraid.

afraid that i will lose myself.
afraid that i will lose everything that i have built.
afraid that i will be shunned.
afraid that i will not be loved for being the monster i am.

you will not understand.
you will not feel my fear.
leave me be;
lest ye become a monster too.