is this goodbye?

D told me that if i had to choose one day, no matter what the choice was or would be, i should never ever regret that choice. look forward and never look back, lest you miss the old days and feel a tinge of regret. well, that was the gist of what he said.

C weighed my options and the choice was bright as day or black as night, whichever you prefer.

my pa and ma come next. so now, my options are limited, no thanks to my MYE results.

A team of one

I am a member of the team
I rely on the team
i defer and sacrifice for it;

because the team, not the individual,
IS THE ULTIMATE CHAMPION.

when i first saw this, i was inspired to contribute in every way i could. after all, everyone has their own ideals. but ideals are but ideals.

is everything changing, or is it just me? the people look the same, but i can barely recognise them. a team of one? i don't know mann. i really don't know.

it seems to me that in the pass few weeks, i've said the most number of "i don't knows" in prolly my whole seventeen years of life.

yes. i am lost. and i'm man enough to admit, contrary to the stereotype that blatantly accuses men of not admitting that they are lost when they obviously can't find their way from A to B.

like D said, it's gonna be hard.

for starters, there's MK. for those you who don't know him, well, he's our coach. and he's prolly the best you'll find in school like pj. no one can talk the talk and walk the walk like he can. i mean like, who the heck's ever heard of a coach bringing his boys out for a team run at like 6 in the morning?! other coaches will be like, "okay. go do your 5km run and come back." and while you're at it, he'd be sipping a nice cold Carlsberg or Tiger or whatever that makes him happy.
and MK is anything but that.

the next thing bout him is that he really thinks about the team. cos he used the prize money he got for winning some award to buy jerseys, not one, but two for each member of the police cup squad. like wow. he could have kept that and bought himself a few dozen pairs of canterbury shorts that he loves oh so much or perhaps buy a new pair of shoes, etc. the possibilities are endless. but he spent it on the team instead.

well, the last thing bout him is that he's got a whole truckload of faith in us. every single one of us. from the really good players to the basket cases. i really don't know where he got it from but i'd say it's amazing. like when i first joined, he took me in even though i had a dislocated shoulder. and even when i couldn't play well cos of it, he was still pretty much okay with it, always saying, "when you recover, you're gonna have to do better that yeah? you've got to crash low and hit 'em hard." or "just go low and try to take em out. try to get comfortable with your left side." he was so dead serious that you could see it in his eyes. he kept reminding me about the possibility that i might achieve great things when i recovered and all.

but due to unforseen circumstances, i doubt i'll be able to do it.

and like D said, he's the only thing that can stop us. or at least, me. and it's gonna be really hard to tell him and all. i'm gonna get that shitty sinking feeling.

perhaps i'm just too emotional about it.
like i said earlier, i don't know. i really don't know.


when we are judged on the Day,
God will ask, "where are your wounds?"
and we who accomplished nothing would reply,
"Lord, we have none."
then He said,
"wasn't there anything worth fighting for?"

12 ways that show you like someone.

TWELVE:You have been talking to them late at night and even when you go to bed, you still think of them.

ELEVEN:You walk really slow when you're with them.

TEN:You feel shy whenever they're around.

NINE:You smile when you hear their voice.

EIGHT:When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.

SIX:He/she is all you think about.

FIVE:You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at him/her.

FOUR:You would do anything for them, just to see him/her.

THREE:While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.

TWO:You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn't notice number seven was missing.

ONE:You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.


like hokay,the above made a lot of sense, although it came from some cheap-ass chain mail with a cheesy title. i've never really liked chain mail but this one's an exception. not that i like it but it's just that i find it a lil intriguing.

where do i go from here?

time's running out and i've got to make a decision by sunday.
it's a pretty stressful weekend i'd say. one loaded with lotsa homework to do and plenty of decisions to make.
i guess i'll stop beating around the bush and skip right down to the most important question for the week; where do i go from here?
or more like; where SHOULD i go from here?

i've been thinking about it for months. i've tried to weigh the pros and cons, the highs and lows and what have you, but i still can't really decide on anything.

people come and go,
but their memories will last forever.

of friends and the good old times.

The past few days have been filled with mixed emotions.To put it crudely, i'd say that the first rugby outing ended in a tragedy.And our God-knows-how-many-we-have-had t9 outing wasn't quite the highlight of term break either.

Well, I guess after awhile, time kinda changes everyone and we all begin to drift apart. Things aren’t really the same anymore, aren’t they?
People change while places stay the same; that’s how it used to be.
But now, everything changes and nothing ever stays the same.

It seems that everything is oh so temporary and that nothing will ever be permanent and all. To sum it all up, I’d say that staying together as a team or class is like chasing the wind. It’s impossible, or if not, close to impossible. And this makes me sad, really sad. I mean after all we’ve been through; surely there are bonds that were built to survive the test of time. But it seems to be the contrary at the moment, or least that’s how I see it for now. I really really really hope and pray that this won’t happen to my beloved OG27. you guys are the only reason why I’ll gladly head back to school even if the school forces extra lessons on us during the holidays.

Sigh. It kinda feels that I’ve lost something but I’m not quite sure what. It’s one of those funny feelings that’re pretty hard to describe. It’s like losing a fragment of your soul or a piece of your heart or perhaps just a bit of yourself kind of feeling. It’s weird mann. Really weird. And even more so when I can’t figure out what it is so I can find the root of the problem an settle it. Well, honestly, I’ve never quite embraced the concept of unnecessary change cos I never quite got it.

I don’t quite get it still, and probably, I never will.

if they say that love is in the air,
that'll mean that you're everywhere.

and this seemed so yesterday.

Children are more of a burden than a blessing. Do you agree with the statement?

It is hard to deny the truth, but even more so if the facts are put right to our very faces. Disagreeing with the above statement would be blatant lying and it leaves me with no choice but to agree. Yes, children are a burden. Being labelled as a burden to both society and parents may seem a tad too harsh for the children of today. But in this time and age, it is no surprise that the ideals of parents, both as a couple, and individuals have changed drastically as time passes by. Our ancestors back then, were probably more worried about the survival of the human race, and were probably more enthusiastic about their appointed roles in procreation. Today, couples are less bothered about the dwindling birth rates, and even less interested in the various government-backed campaigns to salvage the situation. Many couples cite reasons such as cost, loss of personal freedom, and that children are a life-long responsibility as to why they continually refuse to fulfill their vocations in the cycle of procreation.

Having children is expensive. This is what seems to be most popular reason given by most couples in recent years. Some people do not realise that poor family planning might cause problems such as a financial liability in certain families. To put it crudely, a child is definitely not a “one-time purchase”. From the time of birth, hospital bills have to paid, medical fees to be settled there is a surge in expenses spent on basic necessities for the baby, and this is often followed by an onslaught of school fees as the child attends pre-school or kindergarten, all the way to university. Every parent would want only the best for their child, and thus, would ensure that little junior gets the best, if not, the priciest education. If all these do not frighten you, the thought of raising a child in his or her teenage years will definitely scar you mentally for life. Nowadays, teenagers are surrounded by materialistic propaganda in its highest form. This ranges from provocative advertisements for expensive branded clothing labels to celebrity endorsements for the latest mobile phone models. If these advertisements that are being broadcasted twenty fours a day and seven days a week, do not manage to brainwash these naïve teenagers into pestering their parents for their materialistic “desires”, I am sure that the peer pressure that the child faces in school, will eventually make him or her an unwilling consumer. Next, it doesn’t take a millionaire to figure that a good, proper university education is going to burn a large hole in one’s pocket, literally. To put their children through university, parents would slog endlessly to get extra wages, while others resort to desperate measures, like mortgaging their home. Many people would want to avoid such scenarios in their lives and thus, choose not to have children.

Another reason for parents deciding not to have children is the possible loss of personal freedom after childbirth. Without a child, parents are free to do as they please. For the men, downing a few bottles of beer at the pub with drinking buddies on a Friday night won’t be a problem at all. And for the ladies, a shopping spree at the Louis Vuitton boutique or perhaps a few new additions to the Ferragamo stash at home would not be of any significance. But with the birth of little junior, the only bottle dad is going to see is a milk bottle. And for mum, the only bag she will be carrying is that distasteful toiletry bag full of diapers and milk powder. Most young parents these days want to fulfill their materialistic wants and fancies. These young high-flyers are selfish to the extent that they would forsake humanity’s desperate plea to alleviate the problem of an ageing population crisis, and would chose to wine and dine then to ponder over the possibility that humanity might be snuffed out one day, and die. They would do all they can to enjoy the liberty of spending their money without a care in the world and that, even if it meant forgoing the birth of their child. This is the horrifying result of a generation that is far more educated than our predecessors, far more driven than our forefathers had been, but the least worried of the fate of the human race, and the most engrossed and lost, in their endless pursuits of money and material goods.

Having children is a life-long responsibility that may go awry or smoothly. A child is often described as a plant; if you nurture it well by adding water and fertilizer and letting it out in the sunlight, it will grow well. It is believed that it is the same as for a child, but in fact, it is contrary. Good parenting does not guarantee a good child and neither does bad parenting necessarily equate to a wayward child. It all boils down to other factors like the child’s attitude towards life, the environment the child is exposed to and possible sources of influence. A child has to be taken care of from the cradle to the grave, from childhood into adulthood, and this might be a physically and mentally demanding role for many parents. A typical child’s life has its ups and downs, and this often caused by problems in the child’s life. The children of today have more problems than the children of yesteryear, some of which were unheard of in previous generations. Some of these problems are infatuations, pre-marital sex, bulimia, anorexia, drug addiction, stress due to school and many more. Such problems arise due to the negative influence of the media, which may portray such forms of behaviour as “cool”, and that defiance is a way of seeking an “identity”. Others are growing problems that are surfacing in schools that these children attend. Stress due to excessive schoolwork and unreasonable expectations of their teachers and parents, is prevalent in recent years. Parents too, are also beginning to feel the brunt of it. Also, the generation gap between children and their parents may even strain parent-child relations. Some behaviour that is perceived to be cool and hip by youth may be seen as being rude and uncouth to their parents and elders, thus creating a rift between the two generations. It is definitely not easy to understand a child, and even harder to bring him or her up. And to avoid such difficulties, many parents choose the easier way out, and decide that having children is simply not their cup of tea.

As such, children are perceived as a burden, not a blessing. And given the dire circumstances of the dwindling birth rates, the rise of the ageing population, and expanding economy, there might be a time when the world would be populated by only the rich and old, with no heirs to inherit their wealth. And all that will be left will be a sad, lonely world, whose inhabitants may never hear the sound of happy children’s laughter. There might come a time, where humans might not rule the world with an iron fist, and animals might ascend to the throne, which is portrayed in Pierre Boulle’s Planet of the Apes. This may seem all too distant now, but no one knows what the future holds.