steady hands; take the wheel, steady legs; don't you fail.

the fight's begun.

even still, i gotta keep calm, gotta stay frosty and make the shot.
it's no point running around in circles when you're all tensed up.
gp was a shocker, no, it wasn't. it was just me freaking out under the pressure and screwing up cos i forgot to bring my highlighter. i've been so accustomed to bringing my highlighter into all my examinations that being without one kinda freaks me out.

never thought it would be that bad.

and for the essay, Jesus knows what the heck was running through my mind.

no sweat. there's more.

and i was pretty disappointed when we didn't get the jerseys, like"alemak sio, all the suspense kinda amounted to nothing. tsk."

but that's prolly the last thing on my mind.

g'luck to everyone for ya promos/exams/what have you!

it's official.

i messed up again.
twice in a day.
nice one.

and like jason always says, "GG my friend. GG."

anyway, i'm done with paulo coelho's like a flowing river. it's a pretty nice book, although it's not really a book but just a bunch of reflections collected over the years. it was a rather inspiring and refreshing read. like say, take this for example, there's this lil reflection on paulo and his personal library. and somehow, he artiscally weaves in this poem by Jorge Luis Borgues;

there is this line from Veraline i'll never recall,
there is a street nearby from which my footsteps are barred,
there is a mirror that has looked its last on my face,
there is door i have closed for the final time.
amongst the books in my library(i can see them now),
there are some i will never open again.

well, his point was that if you've found a good book share it, and not keep it in your bookshelf and let it yellow with age. give it away for someone else to read and let the book go on a lil' journey of its own.

and there's this one lil reflection on the little or rather invisble people in our lives. always the ones to get work done behind the scenes but getting little credit and all. and he kinda introduced this poem by this japanese man named Mitsuo Aida;

because it has lived its life intensely
the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by.
the flower merely a flower,
and they do this as well as they can.
the white lily, blooming unseen in the valley,
does not need to explain itself to anyone;
it merely lives for beauty.
men, however cannot accept that 'merely'.

if tomatoes wanted to be melons,
they would look completely ridiculous.
i am always amazed
that so many people are concerned
with wanting to be what they are not;
what's the point of making yourself look so ridiculous?

you don't always have to pretend to be strong,
there's no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,
you souldn't be concerned about what other people are thinking,
cry if you need to,
it's good to cry out all your tears
because only then will you be able to smile again.

true true.
you should so go get "like the flowing river" from your nearest library/bookshop/what have you. it's a good read, trust me.

on the i-want-to-borrow list

1) veronika decides to die.
2) by the river piedra, i sat down and wept
3) eleven minutes. (esther told me this one has sexual content? like homg?! er, so this one's pending.)

all three of 'em are by paulo coelho. if you've got them, can i borrow 'em? like pretttyy pleaseeee?

and since i'm done with this, i'll have to return my overdue library book(it was so darn good that i had to keep a lil' longer), pay my fines and get back to work. CHEM CHEM. and econs laterr.

my oh my, these days are flyin' by.

it's a beautiful saturday morning. pleasant breeze and a not so sunny sun.
i'm kinda done with I & R, so it's yay for now. i've got to do some chem promos paper, some math revision-package-like thingy. and after dinner, i'll be of to church. like super yay. it'd better be productive.

sometimes i really wonder; do i really say all the wrong things? am i really insensitive as they say i am?

i have a big mouth. that's official. okay. maybe it's not big, it's just that it's got a big frequency. i cannot or rather, will not stop talking unless i'm either held at gunpoint or i'm in an examination. or if the situation demands otherwise. i guess that is why i'm considered as annoying by some. worse still, i think i create a very poor image of myself and people tend to dislike me a lot. but moving on from that some, i think i annoy my friends too. and they give me those sian faces that seem to say; wah piang eh. he's damn noisy.

ouch.

oh well. but next part is more disturbing. people tell me that i'm insensitive. i really don't know. maybe they're right? i mean, stupid people don't know they're stupid, and annoying people don't know they're annoying and likewise, insensitive people don't know they are insensitive.

how does one define insensitive? beats me mann.

come to think of it, i actually suck as a friend. i don't know how to keep in touch with old friends and all. and it sucks mann. especially when you see someone you used to know so well who doesn't recognise you anymore. someone whom you used to confide in, used to which each other happy b'day and all. used to.

on a random note, go check out David Sides on youtube. his piano covers are oh-so-awesome. haha. really good stuff. never knew chris brown's forever could be played on the piano. holy cow.

okay then, it's back to work!


Envision with our eyes,
and keep within our hearts,
the path to tomorrow.
And on that path, we'll fight.

reality.

my left arm.
it feels weak; the muscles, shrinking from inactivity.
so weak that it feels like its hanging from a thread. so darn weak.
the accident, i'd presume.

my back.
it feels like its breaking, in half.
hurts.
like hell. don't know how or why.
but the pain makes me want to scream.

my knee.
creaks.
like some rusty gate.
sounds bad.
real bad.

my head.
spinning like a top.
late nights; my number one guess.
oh well, just another Test.

my heart.
so tangled up inside.
all the wrong that i could have done right, weighing down on me.
the weight.

i feel so damaged.
so ruined.
and so i remind myself that with what's left of me,
i'll try to do what i can to carve out my own destiny.

but then i think back of what should have been and i say;
Lord, if anything screws up again out there, let it not be me.

i'm so sick.
so sick of it all.
overdrive.
overtime.
damage control.

can't miss now.
can't f*** up now.
i won't.
'cause i just can't.

and i'll pray;
angels east and angels west, keep her safe even while she rests.

Amen.

of lies, more lies and one helluva perv.

your lies.
they are so very thin.
when the gunshots go
all that's left are just gaping holes.

still you stand.
behind that bullet-ridden wall.
oh, why won't you just grow up?!
these holes, they betray you.

i can see you now.
see you clear as the day.
see your heart.
it's black as the night.

can't you freaking wake up?!
we're freaking drowning and all you're gonna do is hide behind that wall of lies.
you're going down.
oh yeahh.

wait till you feel the wrath of the gate of babylon.
it'll make you wish you'd never been born.
shatter your bones and break your will.
splattering crimson red all around.

oh, how unfortunate.
late, late and late yet again.

how long're you gonna take?
always pushing the blame around.
always hiding from the shame.
always the one to have fun while we're slogging away.

37 is all we have. and 700 you said.
i'm not a lil' kid that can't count.
and i'm not a wuss that's gonna take it lying down.
no more.

the clock's a-ticking and you keep saying, "hey, it wasn't me.".
keep saying it.
keep smiling like you always do.
that smile of yours.
it makes me sick inside.
no more.

yes, no more.

your lies.
they are weak.
so cheap.
so pathetic.
so you.

they cheapen you.
they degrade me.
make you sound like a lil' kid.
and make me feel like your lil' kid sis.

so tell you what.
keep your lies for another day, for your lil' sis.
cos i ain't buying any of em.
so shut the hell up.
and get packing you perv.
it's no point throwing out names when the faces don't know you.
go get a life and stop trying to play mr nice guy and mr fix-it when you freaking know you're not.
and yes, shut yer trap while you're at it.

period.