interesting weekend.

i spent the last weekend at smota's catechist conference and i must say that it was a pretty interesting(okay, armed with the limited vocabulary bank of an NSF, i cannot seem to find another word to describe the experience). i found out more about the other catechists; their lives, their stories and more importantly, who they really were(cleared a couple of doubts actually). i know this all sounds pretty sketch and vague(i really wish i had the time to write everything down but i gotta go crash soon!) but i think it was a good effort and a weekend well spent.

anyway, the highlight of this post is prolly the lunchtime(the last lunch of the conference actually) conversation with the other catechists. well, i'm not quite sure how we ended up talking about my insecurities and issues with confidence, self-worth and all, but i guess it kinda got me thinking about what i wanted in life.

*below is as much as i can remember from the lunchtime conversation.*

g; "where did this all come from, like what happened?"

me:"i dunno?"

g; "there must be something, relationship problems...were you in relationship or something?"

me:"yeah, some 5 years ago."

g; "how did it go?"

me: "hahaha, it was disastrous(smiles). lasted three weeks."

g; "how did it happen?"

me: "i dunno, i was the rebound. and maybe cos i was just too cui la.

d; "three weeks?! whoa, how emotionally attached were you to her anyway?"

*okay, breaktime!*

thought i'll answer question one first. well, i didn't quite have an answer at that point of time so i just kinda brushed it aside. but now that i had some time to think about, i guess i'll answer it to the best i can; sec 3 wasn't quite the best time of my life. things weren't going well in school, bad grades, dismal end to a season, teachers always hounding you and all. it was just getting to me i guess. and it didn't help that everyone was just so much smarter, fitter, "handsome-r"(yes, that was a poor attempt to throw the word handsome into the whole sentence without altering its structure) and better at whatever it was they were involved in. everyone seemed to be doing awesome except a couple of us. to me, she just seemed to have came at the right timing? she taught me chapters of stuff i was bad at(math and physics in particular), lent me her notes and all. there were always encouraging conversations on msn messenger; the future always seemed so bright. DSAs, 6 points, JCs we wanted to go to and all that talk. knew her for about 6 to 7 months and then was funny text one day that went like, "hey, er, do you like me?" and i was like, "yeah, in the friend kinda way. er, what's up?" didn't really think much about it cos i only thought of a her only as a friend and nothing more. but then after awhile, i guess i started to develop feelings and i guess things got screwy from there and about 2 months later, we "got together"? but 3 weeks and it was all over. i really thought i knew her long enough and that she was what i really wanted but i guess, in the end, i was just the "rebound". emo much.

*resume!*

d; "mm, y'know alex, there's this one line from contact work that you'll definitely remember. it's like the correct answer that'll let you pass the station."

me; "er, that was a long time ago man. just tell me what it is?"

d; "damn easy, seriously. c'mon..."

me; "dunno la."

d; "there are always other fishes in the sea!"

me; "but none of them want me...(and then quietly i say, "hahaha, it ryhmes too.")

[the table has the wtf reaction]

g; "huh. but, that was quite awhile ago, so are you ready to get yourself into another relationship?"

me; "er, i dunno?"

g; "aiyo, this kind of thing cannot dunno one. must help you find a girlfriend! mm, what kind of girl are you looking for?"

me; "er, dunno?"

*pause*

actually, i do know la. but i didn't think it was an appropriate time to discuss things like that. mm, tanned, sporty, short hair...but honestly speaking(with the frivolous things mentioned before put aside in one corner), i'll say that these things aren't that important la. what's important is that she's dependable, independent(not fiercely independent to the point that she doesn't need me, but at least independent enough to not look to me for everything), has an opinion on most issues, logical and rational, not a spendthrift(but not a total miser also), catholic, has a plan for the future and yeah, that's generally it?

*end*

the conversation kinda ended after asking the ladies what they wanted/looked for in potential boyfriends or boyfriends. "charming and witty without being too arrogant", "sensitive"(not too sure how sensitivity works cos the only sensitivity i'm familiar with is mouse sensitivity in FPS games) were some of the answers. i guess i gotta get to work man, work on that charm, wit and yes, sensitivity.

thanks for the awesome weekend guys and girls!

and on a random note, i realise that once i grab a mic, i just freeze and forget everything i was supposed to say. i guess cui would be the most appropriate word to describe situations like that. no more, i tell you, it won't happen again.