a long, long time ago, i can still remember...

a couple of years ago, there was this craze going on about the nike baller id bands; some of them had names of basketball superstars on them, while others had words and some didn't have anything on them. being the sensible consumer i was back then, i decided to buy the ones with words on them(i wasn't into basketball so buying a lebron band wouldn't be such a good idea and a band with just a tick didn't seem like a good buy either). so i picked two bands from a 77th street stall at tampines mall; a grey one with the word "team" and a yellow one, which had the word "confidence" on it.

at that time when i bought the two bands, those two words meant a lot to me. actually, they still do.

confidence; being in a sport, i know how much confidence really matters to an athlete. one may be in good form or have the skills and potential, but if he/she lacks confidence in his/her own ability to perform, then the battle is lost. i bought the yellow "confidence" band to remind myself of that. i wore this one when i had matches to play or when i was in competitions.

a friend once asked me, "my boyfriend wears a black one that says NZ ALL BLACKS. mm, i'm curious, what does yours say?", to which i replied, "mine says confidence" a puzzled "huh" was what i got. "the all blacks are a great team and all, but i feel that i should wear something that reminds me of what i need and must do on the field. confidence is all about believing in yourself and having complete trust in your teammates. and i guess that's what really matters to me."

and then she said, "er, ohkay."

eventually, the "confidence" band was given to a friend who needed it more than i did(his season started when my sporting "career" came to a screeching halt). it lasted to him the whole season and right through 'A's, after which it snapped. but at least it was good to know that it had served its purpose and helped someone rev up his mojo on the pitch and in the exam hall.

team; as far as i can remember, i always liked being in teams. the whole concept of being in a team appealed to me because it was awesome to know that there were like-minded individuals who were going to be backing you up when you fall short, people who motivate each other when the going gets tough and all that cliche stuff; in essence, a team was a bunch of people you could trust and rely on.

the grey band, or the "team" band, was worn on training/rest days. it was a reminder that everything i did, should be for the team. training should take priority over all things of leisure, the team's activities(CIP, matches and what not) were of prime importance, all duties assigned by the cap and coach were to be finished ASAP and most importantly, that there was no "I" in TEAM and that the team was more important than the individual.

well, these were ideals. but reality was never so kind.

well, for the better part of my life, i've been in teams. SJI bowling, PJ rugby. but somehow, i never quite felt at home. sometimes, when i lie in bed late at night, i still wonder if i did anything wrong. everyone just seemed to get along so well and they did awesome things together. well, without me, of course. i've been searching, for quite awhile now, for a team that can accept for who i am, and place to call home. it's been 6 years since i bought that "team" band(along with the "confidence" band) and its grey has taken on a light shade of yellow, a sign of "aging" in all things made of rubber.

i hope that before my grey band turns completely yellow, i will find my dream team.