imogen heap.

i was snooping around google to find out who on earth imogen heap was and as usual, google delivered the goods with lotsa peektures and whole lot of links for me to go check out and listen to her music and all. her name's Imogen Jennifer Jane Heap. funny name eh. but hey, she's really pro at what she does. respect man, respect. wait till you check out her credentials. like whoa. and you should really go check out her live performance of the song "just for now" on youtube. you will be stunned. seriously serious. some of her songs are a lil weird. but those that are good are just plain awesome. well, the interesting thing about hers songs aren't really the tune and all, it's actually the lyrics that caught my ear initially. go check out her song "speeding cars". no, it's not some ripoff song that stole a lil bit of the song "chasing cars". the latter's lyrics pale in comparison to the former. i kid you not.

i was listening to this song while on the way home from today's PW meeting(the most successful one so far) and it was like cloudy/rainy and the lyrics made me think about the past. all the regrets, the things i've yet to do and loads and loads of stuff. like wow. it's been a long time since i've found a song that made me think back that far.

so now, imogen heap's on my handphone and iTunes. like yay.
and if you know any great songs by her, do feel free to tell me and most importantly, send em to me if you can! haha.

that aside, i just realised next week is nothing like a holiday at all. i have to go back on 3 of out of the 5 days. not nice at all. at least the chem lecture's by eileen toh and and tong. phew, thank God. and it's for classes from S01 to S25 and the classes that take chem, outside the range of 1 to 25. haha. like yay! haha. eyecandyyy! nah. just kidding.

okay. maybe you should just forget whatever i wrote one paragraph before.

Oh, why'd ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you,
Must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well.
Say goodnight and go. - from imogen's song titled "goodnight and go"

on a random note, thanks to the oh-niners for making my teachers' day memorable. miss those days when we were always copying each others' homework, skipping recess to play soccer, laughing at each others' antics, cursing certain teachers' behind their back, bitching around, encouraging each other and all. it was great. really. i regret being so happy about going to a new class. seriously. i miss the good ol' days of 209. life was simple, life was sweet. no one ever bothered about dumbass things like getting attached, dumped, credentials, achievements and all that mumbo jumbo. you could just be who you were and not feel afraid at all. you could run amok with two metal rulers and yell, "for Gondor!", and we'll still call you a brother. you could be really sick and twisted and we'd still shake your hands and proudly call you a friend. you could be overweight and all but we wouldn't tease you and we'd even run with you during 2.4s and what have you.

to cut the long story short, you could be yourself. well, right now and in upper sec, it was and is pretty hard to do just that. like wow. i really miss those days. to think that those days were my worst thanks to my terrible math teacher must have been the next dumbest thing to have done since giving up on my piano lessons.

i can't believe i threw away 2 whole years for a new life in threethreesix, hoping to start anew and throw the old me behind. i guess i was wrong. there can never be a better class that oh-nine. i'm not saying threesix wasn't any fun. it was fun, until everyone started showing their true colours. like cliques springing up here and there. people backstabbing each other. people openly dissing other people. the strong picking on the weak. it was a gruesome scene, mind you. i've never seen that much politics in a class in my short 10 years of formal education.

guess being cool would mean giving up the chance for it to be just plain ol' me and you.
i'm trying to go back, searching for who i used to be and what made me "cool" or at least to the extent that i didn't need to rehearse my lines in my head and say whatever i wanted to say without getting weird stares and all. life in threesix was scripted, it was really fake. i hated it. but the only thing i didn't hate was the people. well, some at least.

for the threesixers who chance upon this post, i'm glad that you read this. and the oh-niners(209-ers), here's a big thank you for that teacher's day. really. you made my day. half a day of being just, me.

will it be a return to an empty house?

everyone's flocking back to their secondary schools again.
yes, it's the day of the year; teachers' day.
well, the draw ain't really the teachers but the friends and all.

i can't really decide what to do.
to go back to the school that i love oh-so-much. or to just sit at home and lepak around/rest/study.
for others, the choice is clear. but for me, the answer's a blur.

why, you ask. to be perfectly honest, i don't wanna travel all the way there just to find out that no one's gone back. or perhaps, the worst case scenario is going back only to be left in the crowd with no one to talk to. gotta admit man, that's gotta suck worse than being in an empty school. i mean, what the heck?! feeling lonely when you're with a bunch of people. that was prolly the dumbest thing you've heard all day, or perhaps in your God-knows-how-many-years of life.

sad, isn't it? and worse still, i think it's happening to me.

of half-baked poseurs and the game that i've learned to love.

"a bunch of poseurs."

"idiots."

"so noisy."

"arrogant."

these are the labels they throw at us and now i question, who's to blame?

sigh.

i know we're loud and all but are we really THAT bad?

as far as i can recall, the only time i was ever a "poseur" was when i was showing off my lineout skills at the M1 tens. and it was in the name of fun. and at least my skills were pretty decent.

and it seems that some us do go around telling others that they are ruggers. like RUGGERS. such to the point that they exaggerate it? i mean it's nice and all to be proud of your cca, but i guess you've got to remember that rugby, like any other game, is but a game. it is no different from soccer, water polo, track and field and what have you. and it doesn't really mean anything, really. so what if you're a rugger? some of us think it gives us a lil "street cred", a lil extra something to boast about in front of girls and all. but what makes em think we're worth boasting about anyway? beats me. if i were them, i'd keep my mouth shut. we haven't won anything yet. we're just not "BIG" yet. we haven't proven our worth. and we can't hide in the shadows of our seniors forever. it's our time now, not theirs and hence, it is our responsibility.

well, all we can do now is wait. yes, wait. maybe things'll get better after promos. maybe, just maybe.

and waiting is what i'm sick and tired off. so sick that i went in for contact yesterday. it's been soooo long. and i felt soooo useless. we were having some weird game format that had a six-man forward pack. there were only five that were involved in the scrum, so i was made the extra forward to support the backs. and it sucked. i felt so inferior. the disparity in our skill levels. the confusion, or rather, my confusion, was mind-numbing. the screw-ups. the missed tackles. the fear. the guilt. it was all too much for one day. my last day of the term.

useless, is the word to describe how i felt.

useless, is the word that seems to resonate from the stares of my teammates.

useless, is the word that can be used to describe my futile attempts to do what i've been taught.

useless, is the word to describe my attempt to try to do what i thought i was meant to do.

useless, is the word i'd thought i'll never be labelled with.

call me emo, call me sad.

but really, i'd never expected yesterday to be so bad.

i would have followed you to the end.

my brother,

my captain,

my king.

whowhatwhenwherehow?

i'm beginning to feel a lil happier for a reason that i'm not really sure of. perhaps it was because i got an 8/12 for a math test i thought i was doomed to fail. or perhaps because i think i did okay for today's physics test. or perhaps it's just the weather. the nice cool weather. beats me mann. i hope life keeps getting better, and that i'm heading in the right direction, slowy but surely, one step at a time.

and wreeeten reeeeeport is gonna be due pretty soon. and i heard that we have to write our portfolio by wednesday. like what the $%^&?!

portfolio?

what on earth am i supposed to put inside?

and i haven't collected my SGC.

boohoo. heard it's pretty nice. 'cept for the testimonial.

which was heavily editted by chenman. well, to be brutally honest, the appropriate word to be used in this case should be censored. imagine a testimonial without rankings. like what the heck mann.

like he took away my rankings for my 2006 nationals(20th for singles), MDIS(4 runner up), and that funny Raffles tourney(1st runner up;singles and 2nd runners up; quartet.) like what the piang.

and hence we can safely conclude that chenman is damn backside.

damned if you do, damned if you don't.

a friend of mine said that i'm pretty feminine and all. haha. like hokay. beats me mann. but what i'm more worried about and am pretty sure of is that i'm really lost. like really really lost. i don't know what to do with my life. i feel so oh-so-complacent. it's like how i seem to enjoy bumming around doing nothing at all or sitting around dreaming of what i'll do in the near future or lazing around at the grandstand(um, it ought to be called grandsteps. seriously serious.). i am easily satisfied, no? i seem to always settle for second best while others slog their arses out to be the best.

well, to begin with, the above mentioned activities are labelled as largely unproductive and i'm in no position to argue bout that. call me a dreamer, call me a fool and what have you. but i'm really clueless bout what i really want to do in life.

"what do you really want in life?", she asks. what followed next was the usual standard fare. "i don't know.", i reply sheepishly. and she gives me one of her huh-what-the-heck-faces. and she reminds me that i've been saying too many i-don't-knows this year. dang. she's always right. and damn. i need help.

and here comes the rant-y bit of today. i seriously think that the guy that came up with PW is a real smartass cos honestly i think PW is damn backside la. when i say backside, i mean it's kinda like a pain in the rear end. haha. backside sounds a tad less intellectual don't you think?

balls to you, PW.

Pete Yorn - Undercover

Say the talk and I won't mind
There's a cause you know I'll never try
And I love you like the one I used to know
And if you never had the time
That's an ordinary problem
And I said I'd lie to have a place to go

And you held and then you tried
I could never find another
If you walk me to the carpark
I won't go

To my left I saw the time
Flash and fall it seemed to swallow you
I could love you like the sister I never had

Drawing circles in your concrete
I will know your every move
And I'll send you
I'll send you

And you held and then you tried
I could never find another
If you walk me to the carpark I won't go
And we held and then we tried
That was all that could last between us
I will love you
I won't let go

Cos we are one inside these walls
Undercover
We are one inside these walls
Undercover
We are one inside these walls
Undercover
We are one
We are one
We are one

And you held and then you tried
I could never find another
If you walk me to the carpark I won't go
And we held and we tried
That was all that could last between us
I will love you
I won't let go

We are one (undercover)
We are one (undercover)
We are one (undercover)
We are one

-for those of you who've never heard of this song before, it's called undercover by pete yorn. i happened to chance upon it while searching through my old albums and all. managed to find my spiderman OST from yesteryear and decided that it was a good idea to upload all the nice songs onto my computer. like yay. and i went to look for other pete yorn songs. and some of em were pretty nice. like double yay. haha. oh well, chem was disappointing, as expected.

the end of another long day.
CCA photoshoot tmr! haha. more lian-ing around! haha.
and mass!
and perhaps dinner?
yeapp.

study buddy needed. ASAP.

alex here needs a study buddy.

text me if you're interested.

promos in less than 5 weeks. um, which kinda equates to one week per subject. oh yeeeaahhh.

73 points. 73 points. 73 points. 73 points. haha. chant with me!

study study study.

on a random note, remind me to choose my group members for projects wisely next time. even slack projects can be a real pain in the arse sometimes.

yay although i ain't gay.

i'm a happy boy today.

managed to finish my quizzies, well most of em at least. 'cept for oscillations and thermal.

woohoo. i'm done with intro to organic chem and i'm halfway into alkanes. hope to finish the remaining(alkenes and arenes) by monday? yeahh.

stuff to do:

1)mug for chem.

2)bring chinese file and stuff required for mock on wednesday.

3)practise math and finish up ALL the tutorials.

4)prepare physics file.

5)send jwong my gp project stuff on environment and remind everyone else.

6)settle the oral presentation for pw.

7)get the written report done as soon as possible before 21st Auggie.

stuff that's happening this week:

1)chinese test on wednesday(13/8/08).

2)chem lecture test on thursday(14/8/08).

3)general paper test on thursday(14/8/08).

4) math test(To Be Confirmed).

5)project AGAPE(16/8/08)

note to self: I MUST BE IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE.

if i don't do it, no one will.

woah.

there are a few things that i won't do in a loooooooong time.

1) run in that pair of super old adidas shoes that mrs wee describes as being picked out of a rubbish bin. it's prolly one of the hardiest and most durable pairs that i've ever owned. but the sole's pretty worn out(okay, i take that back). make that VERY worn out. and there's barely any support left cos the spongy layer above the sole seems to get thinner with each canal run. and now my left calf's aching like as if it's gonna plonk out from the bones and all. FREEEAKYYY if you ask me.

2) laugh at an excercise ball. seriously serious. those big red bouncy balls are not quite the pushovers i imagined them to be. went for physio at JMC and now my *** **** are aching like ****. seriously, at this rate my *** **** will be bigger than magnus'. haha. well, that's if i keep training la. heh.

3) be a cheapskate. i felt so bad today when i helped clara and her friend buy bubble tea today and i kept mentioning the money and all. i mean, i didn't feel bad at first cos i thought clara was being her usual self(no offence clara, just smileeeeee). turned out that joanne didn't have change, and clara was going to pay anyway. ooooops. my bad. guess it was real bad of me la. maybe i should say sorry to joanne although i don't know her.

song of the exile

Land of bear and land of eagle
Land that gave us birth and blessing
Land that called us ever homewards
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains

Land of freedom land of heroes
Land that gave us hope and memories
Hear our singing hear our longing
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains

Land of sun and land of moonlight
Land that gave us joy and sorrow
Land that gave us love and laughter
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains

When the land is there before us
We have gone home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains

-beautiful song, ain't it? it's from the movie king arthur. yes yes, the sexed up rendition with keira knightley as Guinevere and Clive Owen as Arthur.

at the moment, i feel that some things are just getting way out of hand while others seem to be going as according to plan, or least up to a certain degree of expectation. it seems like i'm trying but perhaps i'm a lil too late, so now i've decided to pray for a 48hour day which'll be totally yay.

on a random note, i love national day. =]


Rectitude carried to excess hardens into stiffness; benevolence indulged beyond measure sinks into weakness.

what have i done?

i guess, just like in every other year and like everyone else, i've haven't really fulfilled my new year's resolutions.

it's so hypocritical.
it's like how you keep telling yourself that the new year's gonna be so much better than the previous year and all.

it's august now. and life's getting sooo busy. datelines here, there and everywhere. gosh. your body is screaming for a break and your brain is whining. a really bad combi if you ask me.

my resolutions for 08 that i have yet to fulfill
1)do really well for my tests and exams.
2)get real fit(and buff!) and be in the starting XV for my rugby team.
3)hand in my homework promptly.
4)STUDY AND MUG like a SCHOLAR!
5)to become a stronger person. as in, like as a whole. physically, mentally and what have you.
6)make new friends and be nice to everyone in my new schools and anyone i meet along the way. and to not forget bout my old friends.

oh yeah.
here we go again. the names and places have changed but the story's still the same.

oh Lord,
grant me strength to accomplish the tasks that lie ahead.
bestow upon me wisdom, so that i may seek out the right choices.
courage, so that i will be courageous enough to make the right choices.
and discipline, so that i may complete the journey and make the most out of my time.

today was a sad day.
one of my "idols" from rugby said this to us J1s before the photoshoot, "eh, you all go la. talk so much. get changed and go la."

"haha. yeah la yeah la. but what about you?!"

"my time is over. it is YOUR time now."(gives that sheepish grin while saying it.)

it was that same line again. that was what another one of them said.

i felt really sad when i heard it. i don't know why. but i never thought that after all those times he wore that red/black jersey and fought alongside with us, he'd just choose to just give the photoshoot a miss. i mean, don't we all fight to be remembered, to become a legend? if this wasn't the case, then what was he fighting for?

and i'm left to ponder what i'm fighting for. will someone enlighten me?