of legends and legacies left behind.

"The Coast Guard conducted one of the largest search-and-rescue missions for a single man in its history, but the body of Senior Chief Ben Randall was never found. What makes a legend? Is it what someone did when they were alive... or how they're remembered after they're gone? Some people actually believe Senior Chief made the swim to the Aleutian Islands. He's standing on a distant beach somewhere with a fishing pole in his hand. But I found my answer a couple of weeks later...There's a legend—of a man who lives beneath the sea. He's a fisher of men. A last hope for all those who have been left behind. He is known as The Guardian."

- Jake Fischer(ashton kutcher) in The Guardian.

fighting with your faith.

i used to think it was just me having this problem and all. like y'know, how you believe that there is a God out there, but you're not sure of who or what he is. or how you've just lost it with God, cos you think you deserve better than what you have now. or how you think that He's never there when you need him.

in the beginning, it was easy. faith was simple. as a child, believing was easy. whatever your parents told you was right. well, it had to be right. they are your parents for a good reason(believe me, they know more than you think they know). but when you start growing up, you start to realise that God isn't as fair as you thought He ought to be. then come the questions that nobody can answer. i had many questions, i was curious. i had no one to ask, and church was just crap. it was one of those feel good things i went for every sunday. at the back of my head i was like, "the Lord will bless and keep me because i have gone for mass and i'm a good boy going for cathechism. those who don't go are so going to hell". there was this little ego that got bigger every time i did something special in church. readings for camps, facilitating camps, going for mission trips, getting asked to sing for my batch's confirmation mass(jeanette did it in the end. honestly, she deserved the chance more than i did). these things kinda boosted my ego, made me feel wanted in God's presence. made me feel that i had a few more 'A's in my report card up there in heaven. i joined the legion and stayed in the legion. every tuesday, i went through the rosaries, the dull meetings, procedures, gospels and all. i thought if i did more of it, i was making my way, inch by inch, into the pearly gates.

but little did i know, i was inching away from those gates. bit by bit, everyday of my life. as i grew to become what i thought was holiness, i just got lost in everything. how i was more worried about all the lil' nitty gritty and all the superficial things. along the way, i fell a couple of times too.

falling does not necessarily have to mean that you literally fell from grace and all(cos that's just not possible here on earth and we're human to begin with). in my case, i was just slipping into sin and all. i was a lost case(i still am). i bargained with God, tried to negotiate with Him, got angry with Him, blamed him for things that i felt weren't supposed to happen. i was like, "if i don't _________________________________ anymore, will you keep me safe for the season?" or if i do ___________________ more, will you help me on this one?" lots of things i asked for didn't turn out the way i wanted them to. i didn't make it to enjoy the fruits of labour, or rather, the glory of the season. i didn't get to know some girl i always wanted to get to know. i didn't do awesome in the examinations. i was just broken all over. that was just me.

and then, there was the world. the recent flooding in the philippines(till today, i still remember his name, muel magallanes; there will never be a greater hero). hurricane katrina. all those crazy natural disasters. the terrorist attacks all over. the tamil tigers. china's rich living off the poor and flaunting their wealth(some woman sent a fleet of luxury cars to fetch her f*cking dog from some Chinese ariport). poor people dying everywhere. where was God when all these happened? no one could answer this question. everyone was telling me, "whatever will be, will be. because you will never understand His ways." or "God works in mysterious ways." why them? what the f*ck is going on mann? i was just losing it mann.

and there was another problem. homilies. if you ask around, people don't seem to remember homilies anymore. like, try asking them what the gospel reading was last sunday was about and what the priest's homily was about and they'll go like, "er...jesus?" i don't question their attention spans(although recent research claims that computer usage decreases it and all). what i question is(no offence intended) the homily itself? homilies in my opinion have gone all cliche. well, most of them have. it's always about values, compassion, oh, love, kindness, respect and what have you? it's never about the world. it's never about how we could get closer to Him. it's never about how you should pray. it's never about what you need to do to rid yourself of the weariness you feel deep inside of you that screams for you to give the fight. it's never about how God has a peculiar way of doing things. simply put, it's just not relevant to us anymore. i just went to st iggy's last sunday and i was disappointed. the priest was talking about the holy family. a lil' bit about them and he went on about how important family was to society, to us. oh mann, spare us will you? not that it was not good(okay, frankly it sounded like some badly written GP essay on family values and the importance of the family) but i don't see how that was going to help us with our faith. it's frustrating and the catholic church still wonders why so many of our youth are running elsewhere(most of the time, it's christian churches).

i don't think it's the loud music.
and i don't think it's the hot girls or hot guys either.
and it's definitely not because the christian churches are so darn huge these days.
i think, it's because they make the gospel relevant to the youth. they make sense of it, instead of just reading it and digressing off into things that are not related at all to the gospel. they give the youth a reason to come back each week; to be enriched, to learn, to discover. they never get bored of it. well, most of them don't. see, the main draw is not P&W like most priests think it's about these days. it's the "curriculum" in churches that makes all the difference. the catholic church doesn't do a good enough job at that. it needs to stop telling kids to stop asking questions. it has to start giving kids opportunities to ask questions. and it has to have courage to answer them. people don't quite worry about how jesus walked on water, or how he multiplied the five loaves and two fishes. people these days want to know why it's so hard to keep the faith these days. why it's so hard to be Christ-like. why it's so hard to do the right things, to fight the good fight, to not give in to sin. people want to know what to do in these troubled times.

i figured if they want people to come back, then they've got to work at it first.

and on a random note(if you ever read this, jon chen): i feel your pain(if it's what i think it is). it's okay if you don't want to go anymore. i hope it gets better for you. as for me, i'm still fighting to find out if it's still the right thing to do. will tell you when i get there. God bless.

cheeeem? i think not.

before carrying on, i must address some problems or rather, complaints.

there have been complaints telling me that my posts are too chim? which is weird? because i don't think it's cheem? it's just weird and boring because it's just, well, simply put, me. or more like the the thoughts in my head. thoughts don't always don't come out nicely on paper, let alone on some bright laptop screen at two in the morning(at this time of the day, the letters[while being typed out] look like little ants that are in a hurry. which, if you want my opinion, is not very cool. so yeah, it's not cheem. it's just random nonsense spouting from the back of my head. or brain. or whatever is up there.

and sometimes, there's just no flow. why, you ask? well, for one, there are distractions all over the house. tv, mum/dad, the weekly line dancing classes downstairs, etc. it's hard to write with all these around. y'know, it's like when something strikes you and you've got inspiration to write something. you just wanna get it all typed out before something gets in your way(i don't know, your mum asking you to wash dishes or something to that effect). but alas, like what they always say about the best laid plans, they all come to nought. so you end up doing something that you don't want to do and there's only one thing in your head; to just finish the damned post from where you last stopped. but when you sit your tired ass down on that hard-ass wooden chair, you suddenly realise that you've forgotten everything. yeap, everything. and you remember nothing. nada, zip, zero. and it's times like these you go like faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrk(censorship at work here, lest i get flagged).

oh fark, where was i(i just got a message!)?! oh right. so it's stupid little things like that just mess up my train of thought and just screws the flow of my posts these days. it ain't cheem, it's just terrible. it's like abstract art mann. you go to mac's and squeeze some chilli sauce on the table(splat!) and it looks like a real awesome mess. you take some curry sauce and put lil' lines on the side to make the red spot look like the sun and 'em lil' brown lines to look like the rays of the sun. and you call it abstract art. everyone is too polite too tell you it looks like crap so they just pretend to celebrate your amazing feat. everyone knows it's bunk, especially the auntie who has clean up after you. well, i guess this analogy kinda applies here. it ain't cheem or anything like that, it's just bad. period.

never forget.

it is not uncommon for people to wonder about what happens to us when our earthly bodies expire. in fact, i must say that i am pretty much into this business of wondering about what comes after death. without a doubt, death is certain. but whatever comes after death is vague and uncertain. what will become of the memories that we fight so hard to keep? what then, of the experiences that made us who we were before we died?

do they go with us to heaven or to hell? or do our memories, along with our beings, scatter like dust into the wind? no ones knows the answers to these questions. if God is real, as i believe him to be, then i guess he would know. but what then, is the fun in that? shouldn't man be granted the knowledge of what awaits us after death?

if the afterlife is known(not by means of religion but conclusive physical evidence) to be that of endless suffering if one has lived a life of sin, it should surely spur us to live lives that are holy and true? and if heaven truly is the ultimate destination, then surely we would all want to work our way in? consequences influence choices, do they not? why then, should the Creator not reveal the truths that lie behind the veil of death?

sometimes, i wish i knew the answers. but it is only wishful thinking, because His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways. perhaps, man is unworthy to be shown the truth. that is what i'd like to think, for now at least.

i don't know what to remember these days.
faces, names and places.
they start to blur all the same.
will i carry all these to my grave?

reality, ideality?
how can i distinguish between the two,
when one cannot exist without the other?
just leave me my memories.

so that i will remember who i once was.
the glory, the pride, the disappointment, the shame.
everything.
let them not fade away.

never forget.

this week.

after bumming around for the bulk of the holidays, i must say that this coming week is packed with stuff, which is a good thing i guess.

kinda wishing that i could rewind it all and think of better things that i could have done with my holidays.

anyway, less mulling and more partying!

music.

anyone heard of a band called prime circle?
they're pretty awesome actually(and are apparently from south africa, which i think is pretty cool cos we have a whole lot of american bands out there already). their music's pretty refreshing. if you want loud, go listen to "live this life". if you want something nice, lovey dovey and quiet, try "she always gets what she wants". pretty neat stuff if you ask me.

old soldiers never die, they just fade away.

this one was inspired by the quote mr kwok wrote on facebook by General Douglas MacArthur, "old soldiers never die, they just fade away." when i saw the quote, i was reminded of the things i used to do before my shoulder got dislocated again just right before the season. rugby was one of those things. and after i stopped playing, pretty much everyone forgot about me. my teammates and all. like a forgotten memory, i have faded away from their hearts and minds. hence, the picture.

on a random note, i couldn't draw a decent face to make it complete.

Midas on a Dark Day.

this was inspired by a photo published in the Straits Times about home design and all. i think it was titled snatch thieves, but i kinda prefer to call it "King Midas on a Dark Day"(complete with a bag of gold). it's kinda incomplete at the moment because i cannot draw clouds. it is a difficult task to draw good clouds.

the key to happiness is...to be yourself.

i would like to think that this little piece of advice, however simple, is actually rather confusing. and much to my dismay, many books and self-help gurus often use this line and it does little good, or in some cases, no good at all.

how does one be oneself? it is possible to be yourself?

i think not.

values make a person. so do traits and morals. and perhaps behaviour too, for that matter. however, i like to think that these attributes that we possess are learnt; obtained. hypothetically, a child cannot learn kindness unless he sees kindness. likewise, a child cannot learn discipline unless he is taught discipline. and most of these traits, like kindness and discipline, are traits that are taught to us by others, therefore suggesting that they(referring to the people who educate us) possess such traits as well. hence, it can be concluded, to a certain extent, that it is unnatural to be oneself, primarily because being oneself entails having or displaying traits that are displayed by others and doing so would inevitably result in ourselves becoming more like others. it does not matter even if man's innate nature is to be selfish or greedy, good or kind, simply because being oneself would mean that man will act out his innate nature. thus, in that way, we end up being everyone else but ourselves.

it is quite a riddle, isn't it? well, it gets worse.

some people say that you will feel comfortable and happy as long as your are yourself. but what then is comfort? and what about happiness? i would like to believe that one's level of comfort and happiness would depend on what society thinks of them and their behaviour. it is impossible to feel comfortable and happy if society marginalises you because of your ideas, beliefs and behaviour. and so to be happy and comfortable, we adapt to the requirements of society by changing our behaviour, ideas and beliefs. it is common, believe me. take the children that are often chided for being too talkative in class as an example. their nature is to talk; it is their way of expressing their thoughts and feelings. but we, as society in general, suppress that nature by telling them that talking excessively is a bad thing and often go to great lengths to enforce measures to ensure their silence. surely, i need not elaborate on these measures as i do believe that you would remember these measures if you were one of those kids.

be yourself, they say.
for success,
for a date,
for an interview.

bunk, i say to you.
all bunk.

and by the way, merry christmas.

of old soldiers and memories.

old soldiers never die, they just fade away.

-General Douglas MacArthur.

christmas, as i have come to know it.

christmas is in 2 days time.
there is so much to do and as usual, so little time.
sometimes i ask myself, "why the hassle? jesus will always come again next year. and it's not as if we cannot wait till next year. besides, christmas is more of an evil marketing ploy than anything else." it's true, there's no doubting this. big advertisments that often feature anorexic models line orchard road like it's fashion week or something. prada, miu miu, LV and what have you. yeah, the light-up's not such a disaster this year. and tanglin mall(according to gabz's maid, has won the best christmas deco award again) is all glittery and colourful again. all the hype, all the glamour, all the lights, all done just to rake in bigger profits. year in, year out, same old, same old. getting boring, isn't it, this routine?

but that's when i realise that christmas can be more than i think it is.

sharing. love. concern. what happened to these?

i don't know whether you've felt it but here's what i think or rather, what i have noticed in recent years. surely you remember how it was like to have your phone vibrate every five minutes during the midnight mass. it was annoying at first, but now i realise that the feeling of being remembered is a nice feeling. but in recent years, i have been getting lesser messages, a drastic decrease, mind you, than i used to. the messages have become less original, often copied from some other dude that you don't even know at all. it's routine all over again. copy, paste, send. or sometimes, not at all. and people don't reply sometimes and i guess you could say that i'm a little annoyed with regards to this. sometimes i'm left to wonder, "why bother at all?"

but if no one bothered, then christmas wouldn't be christmas anymore, would it?
i'm trying to make this christmas a special one this year, but i don't know how.
hm, suggestions anyone?

note to self: get "have a little faith".

Canterbury of New Zealand is on Facebook.

i just realised that one of my favourite sports brands is on facebook.

nice, very nice.

continued.

i just realised that we are approaching a new year soon. looking at the calendar just makes me wonder how, by now, many resolutions i have made in the previous years. before the start of very new year, i've always told myself that the upcoming new year would so much better than the current year. i guess i've been deluding myself for way too long.

the only way things are going to get better is if i decide to put in the effort. to go the extra mile to make sure everything works out, or at least, do the best i can with the abilities i have been given. people often say that new year resolutions are just bunk. i used to agree with them by the time i was 16. but maybe, just maybe, i've this decided to change my mind. just for this one year and i'll see how it goes.

revolution, resolution. my ass.

another year gone by.
resolutions said and forgotten.
have we lost it yet again?
wish i knew.

crossed my heart and sweared in the name of the Lord.
but in the end,
it's just the sum of battles fought in vain.
it all comes to nought.

it makes you wanna scream.
how there's no one to understand.
no one to fight the good fight with you.
but even still, the fight must go on.

i must not lie to myself again.
rewind.
and start all over again.
right to the beginning.

good progress award(yes, i'm smiling to myself).

something cool winded up in my mailbox today.

a good progress award from MOE.
it's been awhile since i got something from MOE. it's a big change from what i got from them the last time; a notice telling me that my edusave fund was not sufficient for some school stuff.

well, this time round, instead of telling me that i have no money to give them, they're giving me money for a change. SGD$250. it's a pretty neat amount if you ask me.

anyway, i haven't found much to do in my remaining days before enter ns. i tend to laze around a lot during the day, just waiting for it to be night again. and that's when i finally pick up my sketchbook and pencil to start doing what i've been wanting to try for a long time.

fashion designing.

well, in my case, it would be "fashion-copying" cos i was using an issue of some malaysian fashion magazine(which they were giving out at city square on monday) to get ideas. so i managed to draw two dresses, of which one is too embarrassing to put up on blogger so i decided to only post the second one(see above). on further inspection, i noticed that i made the hips too wide, and it seemed as if the dress was meant for pregnant ladies(think maternity wear). but this is, after all, my first time. i'm still thinking if i should spend tonight trying to sketch another dress(it's sketching vs bumming around after a nice run).

note to self: pay jun li $20 and bring the santa hat for him tomorrow.

running.

disclaimer: i do not own this shirt and this photograph. i happened to chance upon this picture while looking for pictures on google images.

some might find this shirt a tad too arrogant. but for others, like myself, this shirt will serve as a good reminder to tell us that every obstacle we meet in life can be overcome. i would have gotten one for myself if it were not a running singlet.

anyway, the main point of my post today is not about the marvelous shirt i found on the internet a couple of days ago. but rather, it is about running. i don't know about you, but to me, running is quite a chore. it is pointless and it is akin to going around in circles. there is no beginning and no end. the distances get longer and longer, but what then, is the ultimate goal? 5,10,21,42, 84? these numbers are meaningless and only bring about unnecessary toil and wear upon one's body. ruuning is a sad thing. if you don't run, you are gradually reduced to what society refers to as obese. if you run, but not on a regular basis, then you aren't any better, cos you would not be fantastically fit either(and it can be assumed that you would not look very good too). if you run on a regular basis, say 6 days a week, you often run into problems(pardon the bad unintended pun) like your knee joints hurting and when you grow older, your problems, so i'm told, get worse progressively. ironic isn't it? damned if you do, damned if you don't.

running requires routine. and in turn, routine requires discipline. this is inevitable and true. you can run 10km today, tomorrow and the day after. and you will feel good. but give yourself excuses to slack off for the next couple of days(maybe four?) after the third day and, i guarantee you, running 10km again will feel like 20km. my coach once said this, "miss running for a day and you will be able to tell the difference. miss running for two days and your friends will notice. miss running for three days and the whole team can see the difference." or at least he said something to that effect. simply said, running needs to be done constantly. and often, it is easier said than done.

despite running and all its "hardships", i, to a certain extent, like running. it's a funny thing, really. i like running because it makes me feel alive. the feeling of you fighting of your body's weakness, the feeling you get with every breath you take, the sound of your heavy footsteps on the ground, the sense of victory you get when you finish each training session or race. these things are all part of the experience that nothing else but running alone will give you. funny, isn't it?

i don't really like running on my own but i guess i don't really have a choice cos i don't have any running buddies, except for one, in my area. and that's why i dream of living near east coast park so much, cos from the way things look, almost everyone's got a running buddy there and i guess that's a good form of motivation. and you could throw in 2 cups of sugar cane juice for the post training meal if you wanted too. now, that's what i would call running.

pain is weakness leaving the body.
after all, the only easy day was yesterday.

anywhere is fine if i'm with y'all.

i just got back from a day of shopping at JB today.

no, i was not shopping for silver glitter for marcus so that he could be edward cullen for a day(or maybe even for a few days if he didn't scrub hard enough). my mum did some snooping around the net to look for cheap bargains over there. she did find a couple of things, well, online. in theory, everything sounded really great. the reality, however, was pretty disappointing. we did not really get what we wanted. lunch was a disaster(note: Hong Kong cafes in JB are weird!). so was much of the shopping. dinner was pretty okay i guess. had a sambal stingray that was bigger than the size of my face that went for around SGD8 plus, which in my opinion, was pretty worth the money i guess.



on a random note, i must say that JB is a funny place. people actually can make a living by selling ringtones at a small booth in a shopping centre. they just use laptops and PCs to transfer ringtones via USB or Bluetooth to the customers' phones and they just charge them. and seriously, i kid you not. try going to city square and you'll see the shop i'm talking about. damn. if only i lived in m'sia, i think i'll make quite a fortune over there. or maybe, any one of us could.

selling ringtones via email now! anyone interested? SGD$1.99 PER RINGTONE! BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! not like anyone's gonna buy. it's a mad world out there, really.

anyway, i just wanted to take some time off to thank some people for the past few weeks of fun.
firstly, the ancients from LOM QOAS.

and, in no particular order, my classmates! jun li, ek neng, dorothy, serene, le ting, magnus, wei siang, jonathan wong, melody and weishun for the recent class chalet.

seriously, anywhere with you guys would be awesome anyway.
should have spent my time better with you guys.
damn.
but it's not over yet, ain't it?

see y'all soon!

the amazing east.

i like the east a lot. and no, i am not referring to the eastern part of the world, but just the east of the lil' red dot i live on.

it is enchanting. the east enjoys the cool ocean breeze. the east has amazing parks and cycling trails. the east has lil' communties that bond so often together(running teams that train together at east coast park). the east always has some cheap good food. the east has, no offence, but yeah, prettier girls(if you're comparing the mean i guess?) who also seem to have a better dress sense than their western counterparts.

but the thing i like most about the east is not amongst these.
what i like most about the east is how it is peaceful, but at the same time, brimming with life and energy. i know it does sound a lil' funny. at the back of your head, a little voice shouts, "this guy's a complete kuku!"

it's weird, yes i know, but if you really want to know what i think about the east, do ask me about it and maybe, you'll get a clearer picture of what i'm writing about.

anyway, i just got back from my class chalet. it was not what i really expected of a class chalet. it was quite dull. most of the time of the 3 days and 2 nights stay was spent trying to stay awake or trying to think of what to do with the time we had. night cycling was awfully fun(not sure whether everyone will agree with me though). but i guess stayovers really show you who your real friends are. some people were awfully selfish(in my opinion, that is), some more than others of course. but it's nice to know that there are others that will stand up for what is right and that is what matters most.

ain't it?

freedom.

i must say, that freedom is a funny thing, especially when one has nothing to do with it, or when one has no one to share it with. people often dream about the things they could do if they were free when they are not free. but when the binds are broken and chains released, freedom is but a faint sketch of a life without restraint and usually, nothing concrete ever comes out of these vague and sketchy dreams.

temporary freedom, amongst all the freedoms, is the worst form of freedom. temporary as it is, it brings about a natural discomfort in the one who experiences such a freedom, as there is usually a sentence or some form of consequence waiting at the end of the temporary freedom. temporary freedom is not true freedom. one is still bound by the fact that his freedom is limited and hence, is unable to fully enjoy the benefits of true freedom. as such, the individual may not do as he pleases as he is not entirely free.

we are experiencing temporary freedom. we have not been liberated yet and now, we await the end of our temporary freedom and the consequences that will soon follow after.

final judgement will be upon us all because in this life, there is no true freedom.
it does not exist.

fading photographs and memories.

photographs are nice. everyone stays the same, like how they were in the past. frozen in time.
photographs are nice because they capture the moment, the present, and the subsequent past when the moment is over. there is no better way to keep a moment in the palm of your hand than to take a photograph of it.

photographs are reminders. most of the time, pictures remind us of what we once were and how much we have fallen from grace.
other times, pictures remind us of how much further we've gone ahead in life, how much we've grown, how much we've achieved.
photographs show us how much we've changed, physically, emotionally, etc.

photographs show a lot about people.
but my photographs are fading, along with my memories.
people change, but i want them to stay the same, just like they were in my memories.
i don't want to forget anything when i leave this earth.
i want to remember.

let them not say, "what of the man who has lived through everything only to remember nothing?
surely he has lived in vain?"
"perhaps.
because in this life, we are merely in the business of making memories."

it is true, so true.

it's okay, no need to apologise.
give and take; compromise.

200th.

this is my 200th post on this blog. it is another milestone, another mark in the sand.
i figured that numbers like the 50th, 100th, 150th and so on should be special.

so today, i will write about happy things, like happy men. was browsing around the latest issue of the asian geographic when i chanced upon this quote.

who is the happiest of men?
he who values the merits of others,
and in their pleasure takes joy,
even as though t'were his own

- johann wolfgang von goethe.

so i suppose that makes a happy man.
perhaps, the secret to happiness is only that simple.
be happy for others, and be happy for yourself. period.
speaking of being happy, i am quite happy now.
no, it's not because of a girl.
no, it's not because i've found something to do with my freedom.
yes, it's because of a song i just found recently.
"if my heart was a house" by owl city. the lyrics are very meaningful.

"circle me,
and the needle moves gracefully,
back and forth
if my heart was a compass you'd be north.

risk it all cos i'll catch you if you fall
wherever you go,
if my heart was a compass you'd be home."

i thought this song was so much better than one of their more popular song called "fireflies".
anyway, mahjong calls. if you want the song, text me and i'll send it to you or something.

note to self : message ancients from batches 06, 05, 04 and older.

today is the 8th.

it is, in my opinion, a beautiful day. it is bright and sunny outside.
it is windy too, and from where i am now, it is awesome. i couldn't find a better word to describe a situation in which one does not have to switch on his fan to enjoy a strong gust of wind very four to five seconds.

but as far as i know, not everyone is enjoying today.
i know of a few friends who have gone to tekong already, so i don't suppose they can appreciate the beauty of today. i will be going soon too, but that'll be next year so it's not much of a worry. yet.
surely, one must worry about the future. but i guess, whatever will be, will be.

i was thinking about mass that we had the other day at the chalet.
mass is something that i've become numb to. as mr ang put it, it's like as if someone surgically detached your brain from your head for that one hour and plonked it back in when the mass is over. and then life goes on for a week(or two, if you don't go regularly). the readings don't leave an impression. the homily is so darn cliche and it was probably repeated some good three years ago.
so mr ang was talking about being proactive and all. like how you should read up on the readings before mass so you get a clearer idea of what is going on. it helped i guess.

and the homily was basically about how we are always so worried about the present. books always tell us about how we should seize the day, the moment and all. but the present is like a single moment gone. you cannot keep the present. you cannot keep it in the palm of your hand and say that you have the present. you can only keep the past. the future, on the other hand, is a little different. we can worry and long for the future. the future is something we can look forward and work towards to. but it is unwise to think about the future if you cannot deal with your present and past. life is simply too short. so just embrace your dreams and keep fighting. forget about the present. make peace with your past and look forward into the future. surely there is something out there that is worth fighting for.

to conquer the whole world.

toil and risk are the price of glory, but it is a lovely thing to live with courage and die leaving an everlasting fame.

- Alexander the Great.

i don't suppose that the man who was once called the "king of the world" during his prime could be wrong about things like these. perhaps, we could find motivation in little bits of wisdom like the quote mentioned above. speaking of motivation, i haven't ran in quite awhile, which also means that i have been cheating on my fitness plan. oh well.

damn. self-mastery is one helluva tough thing.

aye, there is a tomorrow.

just got back from the legion chalet in changi.
every year, this has become quite the routine. it's the time of the year again and so we, or the bulk of us, headed back. i suppose it's only natural to head "home" once in awhile to see how everyone is doing and all.

everyone is pretty much fine. so what's new? well, for starters, julian is experiencing the wonders of facebook. gabriel has finished another year of IB. pretty much everyone just finished the 'A's a couple of days ago. jon chen is becoming the king of free-running.

i hope that these things don't change, that we will always have a place to go back to. a place to call "home".

but things don't quite stay the same. the chalet, in some ways, was disappointing. well, for one, the place was never clean. in terms of cleaniness, i would rate it a dismal 2/10(as compared to the stellar 9/10 a couple of years ago).

i don't know about you, but opened cans of red bull left on the tabletop for ants to savour kinda seals the deal, especially in the department of bad mental imagery/horror. so now, you don't just get a lot of ants. you get a lot of ants that are full of energy, high on sugar and if the advertisment's claims prove to be true, they would have also become flying ants. if red bull really gives you wings, that is.
we kinda spent the whole morning of the last day cleaning up everything. yes, everything, ranging from the cake and donut boxes to the cans of opened red bull and all. it was hell a lot of work. unnecessary, in my opinion.

headed to IONorchard after the massive clean-up and lunch at tampines mall. purchased the tako balls for my family and headed to starbucks to chill(and no, i still refuse to purchase anything from them).

and on a random note, why does jospeh goh's lil' brother get to take pictures with pretty canoeing girls from cjc! no fair!

perhaps, i was wrong.
maybe i've been remembered all along.
give me a chance,
to put it all right again.

one piece at a time.

Übermensch.

i teach you the overman. man is something that shall be overcome. what have you done to overcome him?


all beings so far have created something beyond themselves; and do you want to be the ebb of this great flood and even go back to the beasts rather than overcome man. what is the ape to man? a laughing stock or a painful embarassment. you have made your way from worm to man, and much in you is still worm. once you were apes, and even now, too, man is more ape than any ape.

whoever is the wisest among you is a mere conflict and cross between plant and ghost. but do i bid you become ghosts or plants?


behold, i teach you the overman. the overman is the meaning of the earth. let your will say: the overman shall be the meaning of the earth. i beseech you, my brothers, remain faithful to the earth and do not believe those who speak to you of otherworldly hopes. poison-mixers are they, whether they know it or not. despisers of life are they, decaying and poisoned themselves, of whom the earth is weary: so let them go.


- Friedrich Nietzche, in thus spoke zarathustra.

the ubermensch, loosely translated as the overman, supposedly refers to a group of humans that have transcended through time and have developed self-mastery and thus, have reached man's true potential. it sounds like a lofty ambition for humanity. but what if nietzche was right about it all along? that man is a state that we have to overcome. that what we are is merely an intermediate.

if this is all true, then humanity can be so much more. but what, or rather who are the ubermensch? what makes them so different from man as he is now? i wonder. and what does self-mastery mean? these are questions that i think few can answer. it is an encouraging thought, that man can surpass the limitations that hinder him and progress yet to another level.
but more thoughts only lead to more questions. and more questions, especially if left unanswered, lead to only more doubt and scepticism.

but doubt is but an action, just like hope.
we can choose either, or neither at all.
i've decided to choose hope; to hope that one day, we will become the ubermensch, superior beings in all ways. hopefully, in all the ways that are good.

on a random note, does anyone know where on earth can i get a copy of "thus spoke zarathustra"? does anyone out there have it or something? yes, the translated one.

i wird der ubermensch.