where is the faith?

after thinking(yes, i know. well, at least i'd like to think i think a lot.) about what i should do with this year, i realised that one year is really short. all the hopes and dreams of 17 years of struggling and fighting hard, squeezed into one year.

just one year. or maybe a lil' less.

i think it's close to impossible. A's, clearing all the Common Tests, Rugby Plate Champs(even if i'm no longer around. i'm sure the guys can do it without me.), orientation, drawing and designing stuff like i used to do in sji(thanks ernie, wherever you are, you were an inspiration), bringing my fitness to another whole new level again and loads of other stuff.

well, common sense tells me that i might have to let something go. and the choice is obviously obvious. i hate to say it but the truth, as we all know, hurts.

i spent four years in sji dreaming of a team i could belong to.
i spent three out of the four years hoping i could play rugby for a school one day.
i spent one and a half months praying i could stay in cjc rugby, where i felt most at home.
i spent half of that same year praying that i could improve my game but instead, the harder i tried, the worst it got.
i spent the remaining months praying that i could recover as soon as possible and don the pjc colours again.

and sad to say, i haven't quite found the team i'm looking for yet. i'm not saying that the guys aren't great, it's just that i don't really feel like i'm part of the team. perhaps it's just me, or maybe rugby ain't for me.


Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster.
And if you gaze long into an abyss,
the abyss will gaze back into you.

-it ain't easy, but believe me when i say i'm trying.
a lil' more faith is all i need.
just a lil' more.